Why are children tired of school?
“I hit and hit, and scolded, but it didn’t help me at all. I really had no choice but to think of giving him psychological counseling.
“A father took his son a long way to do psychological counseling.
“He was a freshman this year, but he just didn’t want to go to school anymore. My mother and I mentioned that it was useless to persuade them.
In fact, his grades have always been very good. In junior high school, he was still the first in the class.
But somehow, he just didn’t want to go to school.
At first he said that because the school management was too rigid, the schoolwork burden was too heavy.
I took care of the relationship and spent money to get him to a nearby big city for high school.
That school is a well-known school of humanistic management. The curriculum is relatively loose, and it also respects the personality of students.
In the first month, he told me that the school was good, the teachers were good, and the school environment was good, and I was very satisfied.
But only one month ago, he came back, saying that he was not interested in studying, and he was reluctant to go to school again.
The son of the army is 17 years old, not tall, sitting there, his eyes flickering around . the first round: “Why don’t you want to go to school?
“I started interviewing the army.
”I’m not interested in studying. School life is too monotonous.
I think the outside world is more exciting.
“He told me that he had already planned, and the school was determined not to go back.
He is going to learn computer repair, and he will open a small shop by himself every month, and gradually grow bigger, and finally make a brand all over the country.
He said he was reading a book on marketing.
In the fourth grade of the elementary school, Junjun entangled his parents in a local computer training class and passed the junior exam.
Since then, the army has become obsessed with computers and is confident of its talent in this area.
“Listen, you have planned your life.
So what are you doing now?
What have you done to achieve your goal during these months at home?
“Basically, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t get up until 12 o’clock every day, and I watched TV at 12 o’clock or even later.”
During the day, I mainly play computer.
Jun Jun admitted that he was extremely dissatisfied with his current situation, and had no idea and no confidence despite his thoughts.
“If my father and mother support me, I will have confidence.
As long as I am a person who wants to cast things, research things can definitely be cast.
“Junjun is very sure of this.
“If I don’t insist on going to school, they won’t be able to take me. In the end, they will still agree with me to open a store.
“Second round: In front of the army, I asked the army’s father, what do you think of the child’s choice?
Dad had something to say and stop, maybe the psychiatrist here was his last hope: “I don’t agree, I don’t think that way will work.
You have no ability to take care of yourself at all.
And they rarely talk to others actively. When you go to Shanghai these days, you will be asked for directions.
How can your situation make a small shop run well?
That is harder than your studies for many years.
Besides, the economy is relatively backward and there are very few people with computers. Such a small shop will not have any business.
Junjun realized that he had strong immunity to his father’s words. Although he was silent, he was obviously not convinced.”You say that the school environment is too boring, learning is tedious, and the outside world is wonderful. So what is the main attraction of the outside world?
“I asked him.
”I like to go shopping, go to the supermarket, there are a lot of fun, delicious, and a lot of electronics.
I like to eat delicious food, and I just want to hurry to make money myself.
Going to school and then going to college, it’s like going over a mountain for me, I don’t want to go over.
“Parent’s words:” Teacher Sun, I think the child is like this, there must be my reason, but I never knew what was wrong?
I used to be quite confident. Many colleagues around me were very strict with the children. They just hit and kept scolding them, asking them to be number one and number one in their studies.
But I have always been good at his personality development, and provided him with a relaxed environment as much as possible. I told him that you only need to do your best in your studies. The grade is not very important, but he is very smart and learns well without effort.
”He said he liked computers, and I bought them no matter how expensive they were.
He values wearing, and if you do n’t like the clothes, you wo n’t even wear them.
I won’t blame him, though I feel bad about money.
His pocket money has always been more than other children, I think he will be happier this way.
”He said the high school where we were studying was stressful and the management was too dead, and I admit it.
The taste of test-based education there was too heavy, so I asked someone to say hello to the people in their school. First of all, I waived morning exercises and evening self-study, and later I waived morning self-study.
It should be said that he was much less stressed than other classmates at that time.
He said that the school’s education did not respect individuality and that he was very individual.
I think that’s right. I can’t suppress his personality development and send him to the school later.
But he is still like this, I don’t know what to do?
”His mother and I are both ill. We were both reluctant to spend money to see a doctor. The doctor said that his mother’s body was not suitable for work.
But for his fucking insistence on going to work.
You see, now you have to give him money to open a shop.
But if it continues like this, his mother and I can’t hold on to collapse.
”These days in Shanghai, he watches TV every night at 12 o’clock, sometimes at 2 or 3 o’clock.
I won’t get up in the morning and won’t get up until 12 o’clock.
I don’t think he would be able to skip breakfast like this every day, and then he would break his body.
I called him in the morning and he didn’t even care. I had to drag his head and drag his back to pull him up.
My waist is not good, it will hurt when I do this, not to mention moving him like this, but there is no way to move it.
”Teacher Sun, I’m not afraid of your joke. My child has no sympathy. We are all like this, and he is indifferent.
When he’s in a bad mood, he doesn’t even bother you, and he never knows how much money he spends.
Once a classmate celebrated his birthday, he asked me if I wanted money to buy a very expensive gift for the classmate. I said that you also know that it is not easy for parents to make money, can you buy him a cheap one?
If he doesn’t, he just wants to make trouble with you.
Sometimes I tell his mother that it is better to have this child than not.
”Mr. Sun, you said what was wrong with me, you tell me, I’d better talk to the people around me, let them take me as a warning.
“Jun Jun’s father said tiredly.
“Third round:” Dad said, your mother is not well, but in order to make more money, she is still working hard.
How do you feel about this situation of mom?
“I asked the army.
”I wish I could make more money.
“Why don’t mom and dad have confidence in your own shop?”
Is it because they are too young to worry about them?”Jun Jun thought about it and said,” No.
They felt that I was spoiled and could not suffer.
“Do you disagree with their judgment?”
“Yes, I don’t think they have the ability to see many things clearly.
The army does not trust that his parents can effectively guide his life.
He only scored 50 points on their judgment.
I ask him why?
He said that I felt that their own lives had failed and their own destiny had not been mastered.
Sun Xinlan’s psychological answer has always clearly remembered a plot in “The Growing Trouble”.
Jason and Maggie want Mike, his son who is graduating from high school, to go to college, but Mike wants to work.
So Jason wanted to take his son to the university he had studied in, maybe that environment would arouse his longing.
On the plane, a mother was in labor, and Jason was the only doctor on the plane, although he was a psychologist.
When the child was born, Mike, who shared his father’s joy, suddenly thought, “He (dad) knows more or I know more.
He said that going to college must have his reason.
“So Mike decided to go to college.
Every child will be rebellious, there will be contempt, and time to deny authority.
But this does not mean that the child lacks basic trust in his father.
Mike has adolescent rebellion, but also has basic trust in the adult who raised him.
If the child does not have this basic trust in the parent’s abilities, then the child will not feel secure and confident.
Love without principles is doting.
It is often difficult for a child who is doted to build a healthy self.
He will not be very confident, because many things are done by his parents, learning from actions, completing tasks and gaining experience, the chance of confidence is greatly reduced.
His personality will not be very independent but willful and dependent.
His psychology is like a stream of water flowing everywhere, which is difficult to be constructive.
Children need parents and adults need proper guidance.
However, the child is also an independent individual. In a certain sense, he can take the lead and accept the guidance of the parents.
A child who grows up under the spoils can repeatedly break through the parents’ defense line, and will regard the “parents as defeated men.” He no longer respects him from the bottom of his heart, nor believes that he has the ability to guide and transform himself.
Therefore, children who grow up in doting often do not have a sense of security and lack trust in others.
In the subconscious, his feeling is that in this world, he can only rely on himself, and he has no extra energy to care and care for the people around him.
Junjun’s father said: Yeah, I don’t understand him at all.
He does not sleep at 11 or 2 in the evening, standing in the yard to look at the sky and the stars.
He said that at this time, the world was very quiet and he was very peaceful.
I don’t understand why the stars are so beautiful if you don’t sleep so late.
And Jun Jun said to me: After going to junior high school, one day he suddenly started thinking: Why am I alive.
He found that before, his life was arranged by his parents and adults.
Now he wants to be his own master and no longer be a chess piece at the mercy of others.
Parents have a desire to love their children, but not every parent has the ability to love.
We say that caring for a child means caring for his health, whether he is doing well or not, and whether he will be successful in the future.
We did not enter the heart of the child, nor did we know how to enter.
If love cannot soothe the heart and open the heart, it is all pale and superficial.